a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
