His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
