Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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