Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
