There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
