She's JV to your varsity
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
