I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
