i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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