You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
