The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
