I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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