yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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