When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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