Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
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