Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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