wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
