My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
