my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
