Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
