It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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