I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
