but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
