i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
