Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
