I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
