i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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