i barfeds in our rink
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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