Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
