sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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