i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
