i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
