we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
