i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Randomize
