I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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