I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
try to milk me bitch
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
