help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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