Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
