the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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