If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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