If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
