Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
