Old men and throwing up are my life now.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Pooping to opera.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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