You don't have asthma, your pregnant
accomplished twins. life is a go
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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