i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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