I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
