I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
