i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
this will be a night to untag.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
