the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
