I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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