every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
